Difficult Conversations and the HNP

I'm rather enjoying this book. The guiding principles of Difficult Conversations have carried my interest as I move through it. Principles like understanding the other person in a difficult conversation (or any conversation for that matter) underlie each step of this process. For example, the key to the 'what happened' conversation is knowing that each party has his/her own way of describing the events that led up to the conversation, and that neither view is completely accurate. One of the ways to mitigate the problems this can cause, is by trying to see how the other party viewed it and then comparing their narrative to one's own. The same is true with when trying to untangle intent. It's imperative to be able to relate to the other party in a difficult conversation. If an action has a negative affect on someone, it's unlikely that the offending party purposefully set out to hurt them. That being the case, it's key for the offender's intent to be explicitly stated to clear the air. It's also key for the offending party to understand why his/her words had the impact on the other person. Either way, if one is unable to relate, sympathize, put oneself in someone else's shoes, difficult conversations are unavoidable. It's true with the 'feelings conversation' and the 'identity conversation' as well.
This must have something to do with argumentation (and Rhetoric and Dialectic). Perhaps the most effective way to be persuasive to someone is by fully understanding that person. What do they need? What do they relate to? How can you identify with them? It seems like a straightforward way of thinking about persuasion, but it seems like contemporary argumentation is more about asserting ones own will over another party, heedless of the realities of a situation.

In the introduction to my version (newly published for the 10th anniversary, thanks for that Penguin), the authors mention that this work came from the Harvard Negotiation Project. Curious to see just what Harvard negotiation might entail, I went to the HNP Website. It seems like this group of scholars are doing interesting things with argumentation, dialogue, and negotiation. I was quite interested in their focus on negotiation in Middle East peace talks. A worthy endeavor to be sure. Like Difficult Conversations, the HNP seems to focus on business and personal situations for negotiation, which isn't all that interesting to me. However, I'm glad to see that this type of work is going on.

If you get a chance, check out the website. If you find anything interesting, leave a comment and let me know :)